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What If Marriage Isn’t For You?


You walk past bridal mags and flinch. Or you’re content just living together. Or maybe you prefer a bohemian, nontraditional, independent lifestyle free from any societal influence. Or maybe you haven’t found the one or don’t even believe in the concept of the one.

There are lots of reasons why marriage might not be for you.

And if you don’t want to get married, that’s no big deal these days. You can live your life as a loving, liberated, secure, satisfied person who does what he/she pleases. Damn those outdated, oppressive notions of being an unwanted spinster or romantic failure.

But what about the occasional day when you look at your married friends with envy.

Or when your family asks for the millionth time, “You don’t like being alone, do you?”

Or when you fill out your 817th form, check off the Single/Not Married box, and lose your effing mind.

If you ever have a moment of self-doubt around not being married, please hear this: Being unmarried doesn’t mean no babies, no home, no relationship, no sex, no carpools and no happiness.

Just like being married doesn’t guarantee babies, a home, a healthy relationship, hot sex, carpools, happiness or anything really.

Our point: Create the life you want. You don’t have to do anything except the stuff that pays the rent and makes you happy. If you want to have a kid, there are ways to do that. (Until then, there’s birth control.) If you want to be a homeowner, work towards it. And if you want to shack up without the formality of a marriage certificate, go for it. Just don’t ever feel bad about your choice if you choose not to marry.

If it’s right for you, it’s right.

(taken from “The Bedsider”)

July 4th, 2013 Posted by | Family, Personal Opinions | no comments

On Being A Grandmother

How did that happen?  I always, and in some respects still do, consider myself young.  When you’re young you can be a mother or an aunt but not a grandmother.  And, no matter what euphemism you use, be it Oma or Nona or whatever, you’re still a grandmother.  Therefore, I have decided my granddaughters who, from this moment on shall be referred to as my nieces, will call me Aunt.  Yes, they will.

They are all beautiful in their own way but the one who is stealing my heart is the latest one.  She is such a sweet bundle of joy.dancing kate at 2 months. I only hope her parents raise her with a lot of love and good manners.  Nothing is more off-putting than an ill-mannered spoiled brat.  When one of them visits, I can’t wait for them to leave and I feel like slapping the parents.

But I digress.

So, like it or not, the years go by, your children become adults, marry and have babies of their own making us grandparents.  The torch is passed.  They will follow the same route as have millions of generations before.  The circle of life.

Well, now that I’ve managed to depress myself, I think I’ll have a look in the freezer for that chocolate chip ice cream I’ve been eyeing.


September 13th, 2012 Posted by | Family | no comments


Sept. 1, 2008 Monday

Had breakfast at the other Gasthaus with the other guests – most of them from Germany. Found out one couple had skipped out on their hotel bill and Hansi paid. That is so mean. We then drove around to Branko’s to say hello to his wife. His lawn was immaculately groomed except for a large square area. “I wonder why he didn’t cut there,” asked Charlie. We soon found out. Branko has a couple of pet goats. He lets the grass grow for them to eat.

Next stop to Andre’s apartment building and then his bistro where I had a scoop of ice cream. We then said our goodbyes to everyone. Hansi and I took off to Maribor to see about land registry and my birth documentation. Turns out, we were at the wrong office for the registry and the priest who had the documentation was out. Hansi brought me back to Charlie because he had to say Mass at 6PM. He is more or less free all day unless there is a wedding, a christening, a funeral and such but he has to be back by 6PM to say mass.

Charlie and I had a huge dinner at the hotel. The dinner was one of the best I had on this trip. Just wonderful. Then we went to bed.

September 2, 2008 Tuesday

Hansi picked us up and drove us to Mureck. We had breakfast at a place called Erika’s. Hansi talked to some women inside the café who knew all about Sternthal. They were real nice and quite excited about the story of Hansi and I having not seen each other in sixty-three years. Also, there was a woman in a small Tabak store that I might also be related to. She very much wanted to get together with me to see if that is so. She is also a Zacharias on her mother’s side.

I tried to buy a SIM card but it would work on my phone. Apparently, it is not an open phone. Very disappointed. We then began to drive back. Took picture of the famous bridge that was destroyed during war. All rebuilt now. There are no guards of any kind at the border. We drove back to Locavek and up to the house. We spoke to the man across the street from my family’s house. He told us several years back, Albert and his three sisters were there in his house talking about their property and asking him questions. One of the sisters lived in Canada and one in Australia, so I knew they were Hani, Mother and Aunt Frieda. Apparently, they said they weren’t interested in the land – just the money. He was very surprised when I told him that all but my mother were dead.

Back down the hill to Golob. Hansi had split his pants and asked for a needle and thread so he could sew them up. Meanwhile Charlie and I walked to the school where Mom, Hansi and her siblings went. I took pictures from the outside from every angle. Then a woman walked out – out of curiosity, I guess. I told her that my mother had been a student there many years ago. She walked over to me. She was very nice and invited us in the school to have a look around. She gave us a tour. There were 33 children and 4 teachers. The children ranged from the age of 6 to 17. What a place. They had a computer lab with one teacher. Those kids were learning the computer at the age of 6. Another teacher taught German to a small class – I think three. Since this was just the second day of the school year, they were getting to know each other. We took a couple of pictures and were given some items the students had made. This year they were celebrating 120 years that the school had been built. Talk about an exclusive school. 33 students – 4 teachers.

When we got back to Golob, I told Hansi where we’d been. He said he wants to go too since he also went to school there. I went with him and he went inside to talk to some people but we didn’t stay long. I guess one disruption per day is quite enough. He seemed very happy. Later, as we drove towards Lenart, we saw some children walking home from school, a couple of them with cell phones stuck to their ears.

We then drove to Lenart to see government office re land inquiry. The man in charge, although very nice, said this was the wrong office and to go to this other office in the yellow building across the street but today is too late. We took Hansi to dinner (BTW, the split in his pants opened again but he bravely walked into the restaurant with Charlie close behind.) It was time to head home. Hansi had to say Mass. Well, I guess he was in a bit of a hurry and, wouldn’t you know it, he was caught speeding. That took a while for forms to be filled out, etc. I learned the next day that his congregation waited for him. He is so well loved.

September 30th, 2008 Posted by | Family, Zacharias - The Story of a Family | no comments

On Being a Woman

When I was young, I never got warm and fuzzy over babies.  I think I was expected to.  When my sister was born, I was excited.  It was amazing to see a real person in miniature.  Those tiny fingers and toes.  Wow.  I was amazed at how much that tiny being could poop.  HOLY! 

Well, eventually the novelty wore off.  The work involved was too much and became a drag.  Mother and her husband depended on me a lot.  I was almost 13 years old when she was born so I was expected to be the vice-mother.  Well, maybe not but definitely a built-in baby sitter who didn’t get paid because, aren’t we feeding you and dressing you and putting a roof over your head?  Like I said, it was OK until the novelty wore off.  I was, after all, a teenager and had other things on my mind.  Movie stars.  Boys.

By the time I was late teens, I took great pains to stay away from babies.  Some women thought me cold and unfeeling.  Some women thought me weird.  Wasn’t it every woman’s dream to hold a baby?  To have a baby?  No. 

When I was finally married and expecting, I was looking forward to see how this thing growing inside me will look.  Besides, I wanted to experience childbirth.  Like a biology assignment.  Lucky for me, I saw it all.  Since I was in a semi-sitting position at that crucial time, I saw the back of the head first, then the rest of the body.  Baby’s arms flailed up and down feverishly and legs were kicking.  What a kid, even then.  Of course, I had no idea of the sex since I only saw the backside.  When they told me it was a boy, I was so happy for husband.  He wanted a boy more than anything. 

There, project done and I got an A.

April 2nd, 2007 Posted by | Family, Musings | no comments

Christmas 06

This must be the “outcast club”.  My brother-in-law, who is newly divorced and whose children don’t want anything to do with him, spent Christmas with us.  He is a very handsome, tall, slim, 60 year old dentist with a full head of hair. 

My husband, who was married for 28 years before divorcing, is another one whose children barely talk to him.  His sons speak to him on special occasions like Christmas, his birthday, Father’s Day.  That’s about it.  His daughter hasn’t spoken to him in fifteen years, which is about as long as he and I have been together.

My son has his own family problems and is torn between spending time with his daughter from his former wife and spending time with his daughter from a more recent relationship.  So, I don’t see him much either but we’re still very close. 

I don’t talk to my half-sister and my mother has Alzheimer’s and is in a home.

Just your typical dysfunctional family.  Read more…

December 27th, 2006 Posted by | Family, Nostalgia | no comments