Can We Talk?

A Feel-Good Thank You Card

Leaving behind a thank-you note
Posted: Friday, February 26, 2010 10:56 AM by Daily Nightly Editor
Filed Under: Brian Williams

Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor

After tonight’s broadcast and after looting our hotel mini-bars, we’re going to try to brave the blizzard and fly east to home and hearth, and to do laundry well into next week. Before we leave this thoroughly polite country, the polite thing to do is leave behind a thank-you note.

Thank you, Canada:

For being such good hosts.

For your unfailing courtesy.

For your (mostly) beautiful weather.

For scheduling no more than 60 percent of your float plane departures at the exact moment when I was trying to say something on television.

For not seeming to mind the occasional (or constant) good-natured mimicry of your accents.
For your unique TV commercials — for companies like Tim Hortons — which made us laugh and cry.

For securing this massive event without choking security, and without publicly displaying a single automatic weapon.

For having the best garment design and logo-wear of the games — you’ve made wearing your name a cool thing to do.

For the sportsmanship we saw most of your athletes display.

For not honking your horns. I didn’t hear one car horn in 15 days — which also means none of my fellow New Yorkers rented cars while visiting.

For making us aware of how many of you have been watching NBC all these years.

For having the good taste to have an anchorman named Brian Williams on your CTV network, who turns out to be such a nice guy.

For the body scans at the airport which make pat-downs and cavity searches unnecessary.

For designing those really cool LED Olympic rings in the harbor, which turned to gold when your athletes won one.

For always saying nice things about the United States…when you know we’re listening.

For sharing Joannie Rochette with us.

For reminding some of us we used to be a more civil society.

Mostly, for welcoming the world with such ease and making lasting friends with all of us.

March 3rd, 2010 Posted by Lugatz | Wonderful | no comments

Tom Brokaw Explains Canada To Americans

Wow, how cool is this?  It must have been broadcast before Christmas of 2009 because after that, Parliament was prorogued until March.

February 26th, 2010 Posted by Lugatz | Wonderful | no comments

Hell Explained by Chemistry Student

This is obviously a reprint but I thought it was so funny, for those of you who haven’t seen it, please read on. 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law statest that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. 

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

May 17th, 2008 Posted by Lugatz | Humor, Religion, Wild, Wonderful | no comments

Niagara Falls 5K

Oct. 26/07
Charlie and I were watching TV when I thought I heard a knock at the door. I ran to see if it was who I hoped it was. Yes, Arnold stood there so tall and slender. Oh my, he looked wonderful. The coat he could hardly close the last time I saw him wear it was way too big on him now. The shoulders hung down and he could wrap himself in it.

We had a light dinner and away we went. It was so great – just the two of us heading to Niagara Falls and getting ready for the 5K on Sunday. It was raining all the way to Niagara. It was dark, of course. We had such nice chats that the miles slipped by quickly. We got to the Best Western Fireside Hotel at around 9 PM, unpacked and went out to shop for supplies such as water, nuts, orange juice, etc. He takes a lot of stuff. All kinds of protein bars and pills for this and that. I’d never seen so much stuff. We then set up the table in the room as food/drink table and proceeded to get ready for bed. Well, by the time we turned on the TV it was after 10 and we watched Leno. I fell asleep after a while, and woke up around 5:30. I couldn’t sleep anymore so decided to have a shower, make coffee and check my email. I thought I was being quiet but I guess not quiet enough and I got a scolding from Arnold later. He needs his sleep to be in good form for the race.

Oct. 27/07
When he got up at around 7, we proceeded out towards the Falls, parked the car, and he took off jogging. I hung around for a while, then walked up the stairs to the “Secret Garden Café” I wanted to know where the registration was being held for the race. Well, I discovered it was the big Casino Hotel right across from the Horseshoe Falls. I walked back down and in the meantime about an hour had passed. But I looked and saw Arnold jogging towards me.

We drove back to the hotel, he bathed and dressed and we headed back to the Casino. We saw this restaurant inside. I don’t mind telling you, I was hungry. By this time, it’s about 10. Arnold was hungry too. We ordered. He had an eggwhite omelet with smoked salmon and spinach. This huge platter arrived with the best home fries ever and 4 pieces of rye bread AND peameal bacon. I ordered the French toast but wanted to know if I could have softly scrambled eggs too. She said yes and came back with two platters. Oh my. I looked in amazement but poured the maple syrup over my French toast and proceeded to make a pig of myself. Arnold didn’t even finish his omelet and had some of the toast without the butter. I was very impressed. He didn’t touch the bacon. Well, you should have seen me polish off the eggs and French Toast. I had a little of his home fries but was not able to manage the bacon so I asked for a doggie bag, leaving Arnold really embarrassed.

We then went for the registration and he shopped for stuff. There was great excitement in the air. Lots of runners buying lots of things. Everyone was pumped. Arnold went for a massage. I walked out to look at the scenery. God, it was so beautiful from where I stood. Music was playing outside. Every pillar and post had music coming from it. Everybody looked so happy.

I went back in to where we had agreed to meet. We decided to go back to the hotel and unpack things. By that time it was about 1pm and he wanted soup. So back we drove, and this time we parked in the duty-free lot. We walked over to the Hard Rock Café and sat down. He ordered Artichoke Dip and soup. I had most of the dip although he did have some. OK, time to go back to the hotel and relax. We walked to the parking lot and got in the car.

Wait! We couldn’t find an exit. Where we came in is only for Entrance. Where is the Exit? We followed a van, figuring he knew where he was going. We figured we’d do a U-turn and proceed to the hotel.

Wrong! We had to go to the US before we could do a U-turn. Well, the guy at the border asked us all these questions. We had to do some real talking before he gave us the OK to proceed. He said we had to go through and turn around somewhere and come back. We did that.  At the first light, we turned right and made a quick U-turn. We hung a left at the lights and headed back to Canada. We had to pay $3.50 toll to get on the bridge. Next we proceeded to customs where a very attractive young woman gave us a bit of a third-degree. She asked how long we had been out of Canada. Arnold answered “about a minute and a half”. He then went on to explain what happened and made sure to tell her we made a legal U-turn, to which she responded with “I don’t care what you did over there” and she said to go ahead. We laughed at our stupidity and headed back to the hotel. Hey, but it was pretty good.  We parked for $3.50. But we wouldn’t do it again.

That night we were to go to a “Pasta Party”. Arnold wanted to rest a bit first. When we got the party at the Casino, most people were already seated. It was a huge banquet hall.  We gave our tickets, grabbed a couple of plates and piled on salad, legumes, and pasta. It was great but I know that runners are supposed to fill up on carbs the night before a race. We then sat down at a table of very nice people. We ended up talking to the folks from Ohio. He was 39 and weighed 119 lbs. He was running the marathon the following day. We had a nice conversation. They were a very sweet couple.

After dinner we had a very inspiring speech from the founder of the “Running Room”. He was terrific. He introduced people from various parts of the world. As I sit writing this, I remember that my son listed his residence as Mississauga and, as a result, did not get introduced as a person who traveled far to come to this race. After the speeches and the slide show, we bid our farewells, everyone wishing everyone else a good run the following day. We got back to the hotel and got ready for bed. I was asleep shortly after 8PM.

Oct. 28/07
I woke up at about 6:00 feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed. I lay there not wanting to wake Arnold. After all, I had received that lecture about how important it was for him to have his sleep. He stirred about that time swearing that he hadn’t slept all night. He then got up and dressed and went out to feel the cold. It was about 38 Fahrenheit.

Meanwhile, I showered and dressed. I had coffee and was ready for the day. He came back and said he was going to wear his cold weather gear. He looked great. We got in the car and drove to the first set of parking spaces. He had actually wanted me to drop him and then park the car but I’m not insured to drive his rental, so I refused. As a result, he said he’d go on ahead. I said sure. So there I was – a heavy purse over one shoulder (because I had 2 full water bottles in it), my camera bag on my back and my tripod in my hand. I was mother, the pack mule.  I followed him as long as I could see him. I had no idea I’d be walking so far. At times, I lost sight of him. At times, I spotted him.

All at once, he was gone. I thought he might have boarded the bus I saw him by. I walked and walked. When I got to the bus, I got on thinking I’d find him there. It turned out to be a bus full of Oriental tourists. Even the bus driver was Oriental. He said. “wrong bus – wrong bus”. I got off. I kept walking, once in a while asking people where the 5K started. Most didn’t know. I looked at my watch. It was 9AM. Next time I looked, it was 9:15. I kept walking. I spotted a couple of girls jogging and asked them where the 5K was. They pointed the way. I kept going and pretty soon, I saw the tents and the people and finally, Arnold. It was 9:20. He was delighted. Hell, I was delighted.  He took off his top shirt and handed it to me. I looked for the place where they would be starting and finally found it.

October 30th, 2007 Posted by Lugatz | Adventures, Wonderful | no comments