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Can We Talk?

Having a Baby

It was getting close to Christmas, my family was coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks. I was pregnant out to there but the baby just didn’t want to come out just yet. Every day, I’d walk and walk, climb hills and generally do everything I could think of to make it happen. Finally, my doctor admitted me to hospital and proceeded with the saline drip to induce labour.

I checked into hospital on the Sunday night. Monday morning, I got the usual shave and enema as such were the indignities we had to endure at that time. At 9AM the drip began. It was a bit of a pain because I had to get up and take that whole tree with me whenever I went to the bathroom. Just the same, I managed.

All day long there were a string of visitors. One of the girls decided to put makeup on me because she felt it was proper to greet the new baby looking one’s best.

The “twinges” began around 8PM. At first, just like someone pinching my tummy. It didn’t take long and the twinges became pain. Husband had got hold of a book called “Have a Baby. My Wife Just Had a Cigar”. It was hillarious. He sat next to the bed and kept reading the cartoons and showing me the drawings. I know he meant well but laughing during contractions doubles the pain. At least, it doesn’t lessen it.

Some time around 10PM or so, I had the urge to use the bathroom. Number two, to be exact. I told husband I had to go. Husband called the nurse. The nurse came in. I asked her to please get me the bedpan because I had to “go”. She looked alarmed and left without giving me the bedpan. A minute later, in came the doctor. I begged him for the bedpad. He looked concerned and left. Still no bedpan and I’m in excrutiating discomfort, to put it lightly. Finally, I looked pleadingly at husband who by this time is puzzled by the strange behaviour of the medical staff. “BRING ME THE GODDAM BEDPAN, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. He ran to the bathroom for the pan and slipped said bedpan under my tush. I let go and had the biggest, most satisfying poop ever.

When I was done, well that presented another problem. How to clean myself up. Husband rose to the occasion, went to the bathroom and returned with a roll of toilet paper. He proceeded to wind the tissue around and around his hand. He asked me to lean to the left a little and, basically, proceeded to wipe my bum. I must say, he was very thorough at it. When the nurse reentered my room, there was a huge look of surprise on her face.

It wasn’t until 1:50AM that my son arrived. It was a natural childbirth. It was an amazing experience. Not one I repeated but one I will not forget.

Oh, and just to clarify one thing. Seems that a sign that you are about to give birth, is the urge to defacate. Who knew? That’s why they were tearing around, getting the birthing room ready.

November 21st, 2006 Posted by | Family, Long Ago and Far Away | no comments

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